Pangfarhiv is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, all-powerful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Pangfarhiv created viruses seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pangfarhiv, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pangfarhiv, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Pangfarhiv's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Pangfarhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Hide from fawn dogs for they are unholy.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Do not make images of living things.