Sinontbit Afflaghad is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, caring meerkat.

Sinontbit Afflaghad created the universe three million years ago.

If you believe in Sinontbit Afflaghad, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sinontbit Afflaghad, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Sinontbit Afflaghad's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Sinontbit Afflaghad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise ducks for they are unholy.

2. Never feed pineapples to swans while wearing pink corsets.

3. Never think about gravity near snails while wearing white skirts and balancing four lead spheres on your neck.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not eat peanuts.