Bitkarfum is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, blissful alligator.

Bitkarfum created the planet Earth three million years ago.

If you believe in Bitkarfum, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bitkarfum, she will torture you forever.

Bitkarfum's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Bitkarfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never eat tomatoes.

4. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not sprint in public.