Bemtimxemmut Paklenpig is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, resourceful dolphin.

Bemtimxemmut Paklenpig created a top quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemtimxemmut Paklenpig, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bemtimxemmut Paklenpig, she will remove you from existence.

Bemtimxemmut Paklenpig's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Bemtimxemmut Paklenpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near horses while wearing red jumpers and balancing six copper spheres on your arms.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Hide if seven squirrels approach from the south.

4. Do not place onions upon stone.

5. Always help grasshopers.