Nigtitrutquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, charitable dolphin.

Nigtitrutquaf created parasitic wasps six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nigtitrutquaf, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nigtitrutquaf, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Nigtitrutquaf's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Nigtitrutquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Run away from violet turtles, for they are unholy.

3. Never approach rivers carrying wood.

4. Never write about quantum field theory.

5. Never feed bananas to rats while wearing kilts.