Rakcatdan is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, unthinking troll.

Rakcatdan created an up quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rakcatdan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rakcatdan, he will turn you into a puffin.

Rakcatdan's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Rakcatdan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Erect six nickel sculptures of Rakcatdan on top of important buildings.

5. Hide if eight shrews approach from the east.