Quimxinlarn Xuccamjap is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, effective tortoise.

Quimxinlarn Xuccamjap created the planet Jupiter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Quimxinlarn Xuccamjap, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Quimxinlarn Xuccamjap, she will manifest in front of you.

Quimxinlarn Xuccamjap's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Quimxinlarn Xuccamjap's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Quimxinlarn Xuccamjap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not eat figs.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quimxinlarn Xuccamjap.