Narlabkom is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unthoughtful whale.

Narlabkom created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Narlabkom, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Narlabkom, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Narlabkom's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Narlabkom's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Narlabkom.

2. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Narlabkom in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always look after injured turtles.

4. Always wear magenta.

5. Never laugh near dolphins.