Lanvadrutt is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, competent snake.

Lanvadrutt created the universe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanvadrutt, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lanvadrutt, it will laugh at you.

Lanvadrutt's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Lanvadrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near horses while wearing fawn corsets and balancing three platinum spheres on your arms.

2. Lanvadrutt must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Great tits are not to be trusted.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.