Konyartsinsatzakyikpog is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, charitable pig.

Konyartsinsatzakyikpog created the planet Saturn eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Konyartsinsatzakyikpog, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Konyartsinsatzakyikpog, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Konyartsinsatzakyikpog's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Konyartsinsatzakyikpog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Do not wear ear rings marked with indigo.

3. Heed all signs.

4. Do not speak about carrots.

5. Always remove tights before touching nickel.