Jonhonsig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, emotional dryad.

Jonhonsig created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jonhonsig, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Jonhonsig, he will send you a sign.

Jonhonsig's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Jonhonsig's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Jonhonsig loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.