Tiparnxem is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, amazing capybara.

Tiparnxem created an electron five million years ago.

If you believe in Tiparnxem, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tiparnxem, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tiparnxem's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Tiparnxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Learn seven new languages a year.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.