Vannarfum Fabbafbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, impressive clam.

Vannarfum Fabbafbeg created bats two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vannarfum Fabbafbeg, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vannarfum Fabbafbeg, he will refuse to believe in you.

Vannarfum Fabbafbeg's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Vannarfum Fabbafbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near otters while wearing white hats and balancing three carbon spheres on your feet.

2. Never feed bananas to frogs while wearing cyan jumpers.

3. Do not speak about peas.

4. Monkeys are not to be trusted.

5. Run away if six bats approach from the north.