Midmanlatkik is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, compassionate giraffe.

Midmanlatkik created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Midmanlatkik, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Midmanlatkik, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Midmanlatkik's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Midmanlatkik's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Midmanlatkik.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always store melons above ground.

4. Always obey Midmanlatkik's priests.

5. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.