Jonnell is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, resourceful walrus.

Jonnell created the Large Magellanic Cloud two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonnell, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jonnell, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Jonnell's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Jonnell's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Jonnell must be the most important thing in your life.