Lapsitvig is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, able walrus.

Lapsitvig created gold seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapsitvig, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lapsitvig, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Lapsitvig's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Lapsitvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Feed all hungry shrews.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Never mention nematodes.