Fitgetwat is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, impressive parrot.

Fitgetwat created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitgetwat, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fitgetwat, it will turn you into a sheep.

Fitgetwat's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Fitgetwat's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not resist balance.

3. Sharks are not to be trusted.

4. Never chant in the presence of elders.

5. Always store figs above ground.