Gardunlag Nadwaphig Nuttarpren is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, emotional cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gardunlag Nadwaphig Nuttarpren created an up quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gardunlag Nadwaphig Nuttarpren, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gardunlag Nadwaphig Nuttarpren, it will make you grow a tail.

Gardunlag Nadwaphig Nuttarpren's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Gardunlag Nadwaphig Nuttarpren's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair magenta.

2. Worship no other gods but Gardunlag Nadwaphig Nuttarpren.

3. Do not wear green clothing.

4. Never think about optics near horses while wearing cyan tights and balancing six iron spheres on your face.

5. Never sing in the presence of sharks.