Sinpangzen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, kind tortoise.

Sinpangzen created the Sol system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sinpangzen, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Sinpangzen, she will ignore you.

Sinpangzen's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Sinpangzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red shoes.

2. Sinpangzen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not kill ducks.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.