Quafvolnillgilyartmadbotzen is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, all-knowing bird.

Quafvolnillgilyartmadbotzen created tapeworms three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quafvolnillgilyartmadbotzen, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quafvolnillgilyartmadbotzen, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quafvolnillgilyartmadbotzen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Quafvolnillgilyartmadbotzen's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five gulls approach from the north.

2. Never laugh in holy places.

3. Never eat figs.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always treat snakes with great respect.