Paknurtpom is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, passionate badger.

Paknurtpom created the solar system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Paknurtpom, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Paknurtpom, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Paknurtpom's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Paknurtpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near mice while wearing mauve stockings and balancing three nickel spheres on your face.

3. Always look after injured horses.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not count beyond nine during ceremonies.