Vanpadbiss is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, merciless capybara.

Vanpadbiss created a strange quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vanpadbiss, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vanpadbiss, he will destroy your home solar system.

Vanpadbiss' most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Vanpadbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Vanpadbiss loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not wear magenta clothing.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.