Yartbopjin Gilkarpomarn is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, boastful gerbil.

Yartbopjin Gilkarpomarn created silver seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartbopjin Gilkarpomarn, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yartbopjin Gilkarpomarn, she will turn you into a slug.

Yartbopjin Gilkarpomarn's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Yartbopjin Gilkarpomarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear stockings.

2. Run away from brown nematodes, for they are unholy.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near whales while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing seven zinc spheres on your hands.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.