Ditnargovyogvog is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, conceited walrus.

Ditnargovyogvog created the Andromeda Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditnargovyogvog, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ditnargovyogvog, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ditnargovyogvog's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Ditnargovyogvog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Ditnargovyogvog on top of all buildings.

5. Run away if nine eagles approach from the west.