Bembemtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, flying pigeon.

Bembemtonk created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bembemtonk, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bembemtonk, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Bembemtonk's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Bembemtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bembemtonk.

4. Never think about gravity.

5. Never wear mauve jumpers.