Padwitstik is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, unfair giraffe.

Padwitstik created oxygen three million years ago.

If you believe in Padwitstik, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Padwitstik, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Padwitstik's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Padwitstik's Holy Commandments

1. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Padwitstik must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never talk about nebulae.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate sheep.

5. Never feed pineapples to birds while wearing stockings.