Lagkanvandap is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, stupid crab.

Lagkanvandap created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagkanvandap, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Lagkanvandap, it will destroy your favourite star.

Lagkanvandap's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Lagkanvandap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Retreat if seven capybaras approach from the north.

4. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

5. Do not listen to music.