Bogstafjan is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, ruthless crocodile.

Bogstafjan created humanity nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bogstafjan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bogstafjan, she will not care.

Bogstafjan's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Bogstafjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Bogstafjan's name in vain.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bogstafjan.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.