Gofwantal is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, humorless otter.

Gofwantal created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofwantal, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gofwantal, she will turn you into a tree.

Gofwantal's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Gofwantal's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.