Zakkabpak is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unfair ferret.

Zakkabpak created a bottom quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Zakkabpak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zakkabpak, he will curse you with boils.

Zakkabpak's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Zakkabpak's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in darkness.

2. Do not record secrets concerning moons.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near horses while wearing black boots and balancing four platinum spheres on your face.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zakkabpak.

5. Never write about quantum gravity.