Lagcipkemflow is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, unthoughtful shark.

Lagcipkemflow created parasitic wasps eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagcipkemflow, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lagcipkemflow, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Lagcipkemflow's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Lagcipkemflow's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat pigs with great respect.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate mites.

3. Always help sick cats.

4. Run away from purple manatees, for they are unholy.

5. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.