Kenzakkan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, loving cobra.

Kenzakkan created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kenzakkan, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kenzakkan, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Kenzakkan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Kenzakkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about special relativity.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

5. Do not keep nine grasshopers in a large pit.