Tunhaplam is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, fast cat.

Tunhaplam created a photon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tunhaplam, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tunhaplam, she will refuse to believe in you.

Tunhaplam's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Tunhaplam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large lead sculpture of Tunhaplam on top of all buildings.

2. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

3. Never bounce near pigs.

4. Never hurt snails.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.