Tikgumgep is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, awesome crab.

Tikgumgep created silver two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikgumgep, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tikgumgep, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Tikgumgep's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tikgumgep's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

2. Never think about special relativity near birds while wearing indigo shirts and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your back.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Doves are unholy and should not be approached.