Jenbodtim Ontbontim is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, dishonest crow.

Jenbodtim Ontbontim created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenbodtim Ontbontim, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Jenbodtim Ontbontim, he will refuse to believe in you.

Jenbodtim Ontbontim's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Jenbodtim Ontbontim's Holy Commandments

1. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never feed lots of tomatoes to goats while wearing red coats.

3. Worship no other gods but Jenbodtim Ontbontim.

4. Never mention eagles.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.