Batzanzak is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, conceited hamster.

Batzanzak created the world three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batzanzak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Batzanzak, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Batzanzak's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Batzanzak's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Pray only in darkness.

3. Always help gulls in need.

4. Never write about dark matter.

5. Never discuss photosynthesis in public assemblies.