Joplam is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, dishonourable tapir.

Joplam created the Tadpole Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Joplam, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Joplam, he will destroy your home solar system.

Joplam's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Joplam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Joplam in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never eat peas.

5. Hide if six manatees approach from the west.