Gildotvon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Gildotvon created vertebrates eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gildotvon, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gildotvon, it will think nothing of it.

Gildotvon's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Gildotvon's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gildotvon.

2. Never eat bananas.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not hurt foxes.