Lagtifnil is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, awe-inspiring shark.

Lagtifnil created a strange quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagtifnil, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lagtifnil, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Lagtifnil's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Lagtifnil's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near monkeys.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near eagles while wearing magenta tights and balancing five lead spheres on your neck.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never hurt birds.