Nurtpaslam is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, deceitful fish.

Nurtpaslam created the solar system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtpaslam, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nurtpaslam, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Nurtpaslam's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Nurtpaslam's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never hurt tortoises.

3. Do not hurt seals.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Respect your elders.