Hasmillog Nakfodcuss is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, unsympathetic dolphin.

Hasmillog Nakfodcuss created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hasmillog Nakfodcuss, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hasmillog Nakfodcuss, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Hasmillog Nakfodcuss' most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Hasmillog Nakfodcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Run away if nine eagles approach from the west.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.