Gudcitstig is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, temperamental aardvark.

Gudcitstig created Asia five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gudcitstig, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gudcitstig, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Gudcitstig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Gudcitstig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured dolphins.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gudcitstig.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near seals while wearing indigo tights and balancing seven silver spheres on your face.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Gudcitstig in the centre of the settlement.