Apphamdisskonkoncumsaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, awesome rat.

Apphamdisskonkoncumsaf created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Apphamdisskonkoncumsaf, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Apphamdisskonkoncumsaf, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Apphamdisskonkoncumsaf's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Apphamdisskonkoncumsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not speak about strawberries.

3. Worship no other gods but Apphamdisskonkoncumsaf.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not cook food in pots.