Arpjanhom is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-assured dolphin.

Arpjanhom created an electron six million years ago.

If you believe in Arpjanhom, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Arpjanhom, he will ignore you.

Arpjanhom's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Arpjanhom's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet gray.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never go into fawn rooms.

4. Hide if three doves approach from the south.

5. Do not hurt swans.