Kabquafbag Yattgedkomduss is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, happy elephant.

Kabquafbag Yattgedkomduss created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kabquafbag Yattgedkomduss, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kabquafbag Yattgedkomduss, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kabquafbag Yattgedkomduss' most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Kabquafbag Yattgedkomduss' Holy Commandments

1. Never gather three bats in one place.

2. Always act with purity when addressing priests.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Do not speak about limes.