Fiddagbestlap is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, fussy guinea pig.

Fiddagbestlap created dark energy two years ago.

If you believe in Fiddagbestlap, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fiddagbestlap, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fiddagbestlap's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Fiddagbestlap's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat turtles with great respect.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never think ill of sick capybaras.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Always stare at clouds.