Quatpidhiv is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, smart jaguar.

Quatpidhiv created vertebrates two million years ago.

If you believe in Quatpidhiv, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Quatpidhiv, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Quatpidhiv's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Quatpidhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never talk about archaea.

4. Do not speak about pineapples.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Quatpidhiv.