Gumguphim is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, almighty hyena.

Gumguphim created Europe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumguphim, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gumguphim, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gumguphim's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Gumguphim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not prepare strawberries while filled with pride.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Always act with patience.

5. Respect your elders.