Fitwigfenbut is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, grumpy aardvark.

Fitwigfenbut created vertebrates seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fitwigfenbut, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fitwigfenbut, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Fitwigfenbut's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Fitwigfenbut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never fashion tools from bone.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near ducks while wearing magenta skirts.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not kill snails.