Tonmidzig is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, annoying crocodile.

Tonmidzig created the planet Venus two million years ago.

If you believe in Tonmidzig, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tonmidzig, she will strike you with lightening.

Tonmidzig's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Tonmidzig's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonmidzig.

2. Never eat parsnips on days of mourning.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.