Bumruttarn is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, almighty monkey.

Bumruttarn created time and space three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumruttarn, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bumruttarn, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Bumruttarn's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Bumruttarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near pigs while wearing pink shirts and balancing eight lead spheres on your feet.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bumruttarn.

3. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Bumruttarn in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never look in ponds.